Beyond “Good” and “Bad” Behaviour: Understanding the Root Causes of Challenging Behaviours

As parents and caregivers, it’s natural to view behaviour in terms of “good” or “bad.” However, for neurodivergent children, behaviours that may be seen as challenging are often signals of unmet needs, sensory sensitivities, or communication barriers rather than intentional defiance. By shifting our perspective, we can better support children in developing self-regulation and more effective ways to express themselves.

Why Do Challenging Behaviours Happen?

1. Unmet Needs

All behaviour is a form of communication. When a child is hungry, tired, overwhelmed, or in need of emotional support, they may express this through actions rath

er than words. For neurodivergent children who may struggle with identifying or verbalising their needs, behaviours such as meltdowns or withdrawal can be a way of saying, “I need help.” As Dr. Barry Prizant states in Uniquely Human, "Behaviour is not a disorder; it’s a strategy for dealing with a disordered world" (Prizant, 2015).

What Can Help?

• Observe patterns in your child’s behaviour to identify possible triggers.

• Use visual schedules and timers to help them anticipate transitions.

• Provide choices to give them a sense of control over their environment.

2. Sensory Sensitivities

Many neurodivergent children experience the world differently due to heightened or diminished sensory processing. Bright lights, loud noises, itchy fabrics, or unexpected touches can lead to distress, which may result in behaviours like covering ears, refusing certain activities, or even aggression. As Olga Bogdashina explains, "For some autistic individuals, the world is too loud, too bright, too painful – a chaotic overload of sensory information" (Bogdashina, 2016).

What Can Help?

• Create a sensory-friendly space where your child feels safe.

• Offer sensory tools like noise-cancelling headphones, fidget toys, or weighted blankets.

• Respect your child’s sensory preferences and work with them to find comfortable alternatives.

3. Communication Barriers

Children who experience difficulty with expressive or receptive language may struggle to convey their thoughts and feelings. Frustration can arise when they are not understood, which may lead to behaviours such as crying, hitting, or shutting down. According to Dr. Stanley Greenspan, "A child's ability to communicate is deeply tied to their emotional regulation and developmental progress" (Greenspan & Wieder, 2006).

What Can Help?

• Use alternative communication methods like picture exchange systems (PECS), sign language, or assistive communication devices.

• Practise co-regulation by modelling calm responses to frustration.

• Validate their emotions and help them find words or gestures to express their needs.

Reframing Behaviour: A Compassionate Approach

Instead of reacting to behaviours with punishment or frustration, try to view them as opportunities to understand your child’s needs. Ask yourself:

• What might my child be trying to tell me?

• How can I adjust their environment to better support them?

• What tools can I provide to help them regulate their emotions?

Supporting a neurodivergent child through challenging behaviours requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to see beyond surface-level actions. By focusing on root causes rather than simply correcting behaviours, we can empower children with the tools they need to thrive.

At Blossom, we recognise that every child is unique, and we’re here to support families with strategies tailored to their needs. If you’d like to learn more, reach out to us for guidance and resources on fostering emotional growth in your child.

References

• Bogdashina, O. (2016). Sensory Perceptual Issues in Autism and Asperger Syndrome: Different Sensory Experiences, Different Perceptual Worlds. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

• Greenspan, S. I., & Wieder, S. (2006). Engaging Autism: Helping Children Relate, Communicate and Think with the DIR Floortime Approach. Da Capo Press.

• Prizant, B. M. (2015). Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism. Simon & Schuster.